Coming to college was more than just a new step; I was stepping away from my family and familiar backdrop to explore more of my future. For me, college world was this incredible realm where I could leave behind past struggles and learn how to become more like myself. My life would begin anew. True to an extent, but the problems of my prior narrative eventually found a way to slip through to the present.
A couple of years in, the amount of obligations and priorities increased substantially, all the while things seemed to move by at an unprecedented pace. Everything was coming to a head.
Around the time I first heard this song, I was going through a season where it seemed that the struggles I had would overtake me, and everything that I set out to do would instead crush me with the weight of the expectations set before me. Trying to carry that weight through my own power while dealing with past and future pulling me at each end, I remember hearing words spoken in a new light:
You unravel me with a melody
You surround me with a song;
These words took ahold of me and, amidst my haste, moved me to still myself. I heard these time and time again, but did I really understand these to be true for myself? How was I really doing? Was I caught up in my endeavor to fulfill myself that I forgot who it was that could actually bring together the fabric of my humanity?
I’ve been born again
Into your family
Your blood flows through my veins
I had been apart from Him trying to prove myself and achieve in the face of those who persecute me, but for what? My pride had taken me so far only to drop me off the face of the earth, beholden to pain of the old and new. Hearing this line brought out a visceral, almost tangible reminder that I needed Him, more than ever. Through it all, I learned there was nothing I could do to earn his gaze upon my life. It was because of His love, that it has always been there. To be honest, I am still learning this. And it’s been a beautiful journey so far.