It was the summer before my senior year in high school. Everything was about to change. My entire life was going to be flipped upside down and filled with applications, deadlines, due dates and lots of midnight study sessions. Yet somehow I needed to be able to include intentional moments of meditation and one on one time with God. That entire summer I contemplated how I was going to go to school, go to church, maintain good grades, and still have a radical relationship with God without losing my mind in the process. The last thing I wanted to do was create a routine with God. I didn’t want to put Him inside of a box and only open it when it was convenient for me.
That’s not what God wanted either.
But as much as he and I didn’t care too much for a robotic relationship, what other options did I have? I wasn’t willing to give up theatre or my honors classes. I wasn’t in the mood to change my entire schedule just to make God happy. I wanted to be happy.
But again, here came the questions along with the guilt of feeling that way...
How was adding Jesus into my life, going to make me better at time management when I had no time left to manage?
It was that summer that I found myself in Cleveland, Tennessee. In the middle of the summer standing in an auditorium surrounded by 1,000 other students contemplating all of the same questions. And then it hit us all at the same time as these words washed over us,
“Oh to be like you. I give all I have just to know you.”
Words had never resonated so deep within me before. It was like scales were falling from my eyes and I had gained sight again. It become clear to me, as well as the hysterical high schoolers all around me, that the only way we were going to to survive our remaining time in high school was by giving ourselves away. Giving up all that we have, all that we know, in order to be closer to who we are called to be and what we are called to do.
The only way I was going to keep my sanity (or what was left of it) was giving up who I was trying to convince myself I was. Surrendering every ounce of my being to the only person who was going to make sure I didn’t drown in the expectations and all the work I was about to be assigned.
“Jesus there’s no one beside you” who will ensure that I come out of the other end with my head held high.
Forever, you will be the hope in my heart and I will sing those words of praise until you return.